Race Matters

“No one will date you because you’re mixed race.”

My heart sank this past week when my son told me someone had said this to him, but I hid my hurt.

I said, “Did you tell him, ‘That’s okay, because I won’t date racist people’?”

“No!  I never thought of that,” he replied excitedly, “That’s good.”

I explained I had many years of experience thinking of comebacks. Yet, this wasn’t the first time my son had experienced prejudice. At eight, he had his first bout with it as I described in this post. At the time, he didn’t seemed phased, but he admitted this week that he had held onto that memory as well.

As we talked further, he felt better. He realized that he was not alone, that his mother had grown up with the same, and that as author Eric Hoffer once said, “Rudeness is the weak man’s imitation of strength.”

I’ve spoken about some personal incidents of racism in this blog, but recently, I’ve been able to pinpoint some things for myself.

From the 1970s to the 1990s, my life was about assimilation. I wanted to be white. I wanted to blend in to the Appalachian human fabric and disappear. During those years in the South, those around me often reminded me that I was different, strange, or simply “not normal.”

My mother tried to console me when these things happened, but after time, I realized that she truly did not know how I felt. My father, on the other hand, did to some degree.  As a Puerto Rican whose English was heavily accented, he had endured his share of racism. We spoke some but rarely about it.

I have spent my life longing to “fit in” racially. In Virginia, I found my two closest friends, Katherine and Adrienne, strong Asian women. I have blogged on how they taught me a great deal about Asian culture, another crucial step in my development.

What they lacked was the experience of being raised in a family where one feels racially out of place. Enter my next step in development … meeting two adult contemporary Korean adoptees.

We are just learning more about one another. In the coming days, I hope to share with you the continuing maturation of the person I haven’t fully known … myself.

1 thought on “Race Matters

  1. Bsolla

    hey,As a child of a Jewish mother and Puerto Rican Father, I grew up in a very blue collar, white cracker neighborhood. There were NO Jews and No Latinos. My mother divorced when I was young and NO ONE had divorced parents. My mother was considered sketchy because she a divorcee. She use to tell my brother and I that we were somehow better because of all of our differences. She made being white seem like a bad idea. White bread- no substance. She valued education and art and music. She really made us think we were better than our neighbors. Smarter and more culturally literate.Our house was filled with books, art reproductions and classical music. None of my neighbors came even close. Noah and Mia will have to deal with being different but they also know that they are loved and valued for who they are. They are both beautiful/handsome and smart. They'll be sought after as friends and novios by other people who are smart. This difference will make them more interesting and empathetic people. I use to tell my children that between me and their father they represented almost every culture. To me, that's a good thing. Your children will succeed for many reasons and one of them will be their racial heritage. It's a gift.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s